#I've looked up solutions online and one of them was to get your own cat

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

Hey May 31th anon!! I hope the past year has been good. See you next year（*´▽｀*）

[migurie]

chapter # 5 ; [ let's ponder thru slumber . ]

"Um , why were you calling again ?" you were doing homework and it hasn't even been 4 hours since the time you two parted and now here you are again . bestowed with his presence . well , voice , for the most of it .

"Ehhhh , I've told you three times now . But yeah , I was just checking my line and accidentally clicked on your profile and hit the call button , so , here we are ."

he was right . he had told you about it thrice already , the first one , a bit panicked , the second a bit calmer as you asked him to slow down , the third , you asking straight out . you've been on call with him for over 30 minutes and you brought the question up again as you try to find distraction from what frustration you have going on with mathematics being harder than any chore .

well , partly , maybe the reason you asked is cause it's weird that he'd even accidentally clicked your profile when yours was already buried down the many that messaged him that you accidentally noticed when he was sending his mother the message about the cat , showing you the screen to see the picture of said animal . well , he could've just needed to reach a contact that is coincidentally beside yours .

to sum it up ,  you can't be so sure  of your own assumptions so you just let yourself droop down the textbooks and papers , pens and scratches filled with failed or half done formulas and solutions . you were so near shouting to the heavens why people like albert einstein had to make things so complicated , if only you weren't on call .

"You can hang up whenever ."

you shot a glance to where your phone is , a few inches away , yet his voice felt so near . you shake your head , and made those nuh uh sounds he just laughs at .

"Aren't you sleepy ? I was shocked when you picked up ."

shocked yamabuki . you can't imagine his face forming into nothing but it's usual eyes going ever so slightly wide and bottom lip hanging low with jaw getting softly loose .

"Not really . I'm stuck with maths ."

"Oh , the one that was given earlier ," he laughs again , "I just copied off of Akane ."  you blink your eyes shut .

"Hm , he's a good friend , letting you copy off of him ."

"Hm hm , very smart too ,"

you open them to look at the outside . it's dark . probably cold . "I did think he'd be the type to make a fuss about it ."

"He sure did . As soon as I planned to copy off of Aoi-san though , he sent his notebook flying right at my nostrils . It hurts but it's the math blessings so I'm still grateful ."

you pause for a second . imagining how that could've escalated , figuring that maybe you were too preoccupied with how the wind howled at the trees leaves that you couldn't witness it for yourself . you did just get in one of the seats you've always wondered what would've felt like being seated in . that aside , you process yamabuki's description and with the exact envision , you were laughing . "Akane-san sure is harsh , huh ?"

"Of course he is ! He's always on and on about Aoi-san ."

you chuckle . "Right , but you're good friends with him , right ?"

"I guess you could say that ."

"Haha , you're really talkative on call ."

to say that you conversed a lot in person would be a lie . both of you often settle with the quiet as long as not one opens a thing for the other to pry open and enleghten further .

"Same for you ."

the scribbling sounds got you feeling drowsy , but you didn't want to sleep yet . not until you finish that homework . "What are you doing right now ?"

maybe his voice that alters through your speakers  could help keep you awake to a certain point . "Just sketching ."

"You like to draw ?"

of course he does . you've seen him post things online , catching glimpse of his phone as you pass by . a thing you didn't wish you knew in such way but had anyway .

"Yeah , what about you ? The drawing you did earlier was pretty neat ."

a tip of your lips rose with the processing of what he'd said . he sounded like he meant it too , despite the lack of tone that screams sincerity , the fact that you knew how he caught glimpse aplenty at what work you've done earlier and how he was urging to bring his phone up and click a pic , just fuels the thought .

"I'm , okay with it ."

the silence went on for a good two minutes . "What do you like doing then ?" 

it was your turn to provide the momentary pause . "Reading ?"

you didn't particularly have anything you like that you could mention , if anything , breathing would be at top list . having a thing you particularly liked wasn't that easy when getting bored of things so quickly became a habit you wished didn't accumulate to such height .

"Oooh , any food you like ?"

you blink . was he trying to lengthen your conversation just as you unconsciously wished he would ? "I'm good with anything too ."

he lets out a cut off scoff and snorts , "What's up with that ?"

"Well , what about you ?" you roll to the side , adjusting weight and sight to where said side should be . tumbling were the strands of your hair and you can't help but want to roll back where you once laid , thinking that his voice may distort with your new position .

who knew it was all for the better ? "Hmmm , uh , like , curry or something ?"

you chocked back a laugh and ended up coughing up from the deepest depths of your throat and wrenching your stomach , an arm clasped around it securely, "Aren't we just the same ?"

he hums , "Maybe ."

it felt like he was behind you . speaking just as normally . there , laying , along your body , and talking knowing how irritated or flustered you could get with each word he speaks , be it filled with sense or not .

you weren't really trying to keep the silence going on too long when it's time for your contribution in this conversation that you both wanted to keep going on . but he might have passed that thought and ushered to retrieve more rasp from his throat and talk more into your hollow .

"You sleepy ?" 

were you ? no , not really , not anymore . if anything , with knowing that you had assignments to finish and with wanting to talk more , you weren't at all . "Not one bit , you ?"

he seethe a breath so sharp , you internally wish his lungs were okay . "Same as you ." 

"Hmm ," he lets out another chortle , you slowly turn , drifting your weight and settling on your side . where you once were .

"Want me to help you with your maths ?"

and just with that , you knew that this call isn't ending anytime soon . "Really ?" you hear shuffling , then thudding , he probably took his works from his bag and got back with more papers than he really need . "Really . What number are you on ?"

maybe staying up till late 2 in the morning is bad after all . not to say that you've never done it . you've done worst . slept at 5 and had to wake up before 7 , drinks three cups of your father's dark coffee that roasts your tounge with it's beans , awake and sobered up . but that time of late night rendezvous was different .

your head wasn't filled with your own imaginations as you fail to walk the road to dreamland so you roll and before you could keep sane you're already at your bed's edge with a thumping bump on your head that keeps you more awake .

you also weren't too occupied with your own reading of narrations and point of views of different characters in novels you took from your parents' cupboard or just above your brother's bed shelf . reading under the dim blue lights of your favorite lamp and chuckling , gasping , grinning to yourself , sipping water too cold for the weather .

you were busy with the sound of his voice , meaning of his words and the sight of math equations that racked you down from heaven to hell . you were busy wondering if he just copied off of akane to see if he had the correct understanding of the lesson or if he's just too lazy to solve . you would've head for the latter but his explanations and teaching got you falling down a segment of doubting defense .

no matter how much you enjoyed yourself , each first is exhausting . even when you wanted to not drop the call when you finished the last question , your eyes were begging closure .

he sets off with a see you tomorrow .

and you found yourself nodding and already asleep on the floor , pillows dragged and arranged for your comfort and your snores had somehow closed the door .

it was morning when you awoke . too early . since you felt cold . you figured that you'd be too late if ever you did go back to sleep seeing as it was already 5 : 20 . and you still felt incredibly heavy .

so you took a slow preparation to school , much contrast to your usual rushed ones . falling asleep at times like when you wait for the water to boil for your 2nd coffee or as you brush your teeth and brush your hair subtly .

you choke on the air kindly warm . and walked to school with no nothing in mind . just straddling legs screaming for rest .

got to your room , passed the front gate and all that , once at your desk you were down head and already fast asleep . you had time , a ton of it . you should rest , it's tiring to go on and on without it .

"Oh ? Are you asleep ?" you flinch awake , eyes wide and head arise , a look of surprise and demise as the voice is not of yamabuki but a student council member instead . the haze and daze your eyes laid upon was gone within seconds , heart thumped in your chest out of nervousness but contrary to what the caller see , you just looked like a newly awake being still unaware of the coming word-beating .

you shake your head frantically , "I was just resting my head ."

his eyes scanned you for a minute , maybe two . unknowingly aware of your lie as a drool somehow slipped through your lips and you sip it back up with another awkward smile .

"I see ." he was holding bundles of papers between folded arms and you wished you weren't this nervous but there you were , heart thumping and ramming your brain cells to find a way and cut off whatever you didn't start yourself . "Well , I'm just making sure you were okay ."

you gulp . was he being serious ? it's been so long since you last spoke with someone other than yamabuki and his family , your teachers and some of the classmates you have to inevitably deal with .

he slid past your gaze and over where your hands curled , palms aching with the indents made by your nails .

"I'm fine ." it was barely a whisper , and he barely heard . but he slightly beamed nonetheless . akane isn't that one guy anyone should just mess with , true he is friendly and kind most of the time but it is an undeniable fact that he can also get violent and oppressive with one spark of injustice and jealousy over fed up affection for his object of affection and adoration .

you might have known him for being yamabuki's bestfriend and always being one of those that you continuously see around him , but that doesn't change the fact that that's as far as your connection with him could ever go .

he smiles . pushing back the bridge of his glasses , shining through , he looked so pretty that your eyes declined to flee from the lined gaze . "That's great ."

the student council vice president . the all around guy , fast , smart , hard-working and a 24 / 7 simp , who knew he had features this perfect ?

"Morning , Akane !" you saw how his head snapped to where he was called , and you heard the fastened pace of steps , but your eyes remained glued to the auburn haired's perfect face . "Good Morning , Lemon ."

you blink with that greeting and raised sight to his left and saw yamabuki looking straight at you , with a look so blank , blanker than the canvas you threw out after giving up on another hobby you deemed yourself bad at practicing .

he sat in his seat , and his yellows catch you in a choke hold . you couldn't breathe for a moment , until he turned his head to speak back to akane . you were nervous again . what's with this .

you look straight to where you would've if your teacher had gathered all the attention and started the lesson . you're more than just awake . with nervousness of both kinds you understand and not .

you didn't even realize how akane had gone to greet his childhood sweetheart and yamabuki had been given moment to leash all time on you again .

"L/n-san ?"

"Yes ?" you answered instinctively despite the mysterious calls of that voice in your mind to not . His head tilt with the weight of your word , "Still sleepy ?" 

swirls of unknown comfort threatened to swallow you whole until you couldn't breathe and keep sane , but there he was , reeling his sight to settle more in the nestles of your hues .

"Not , that much anymore ." you were sure your breathe knifed quick , the words cut with hitches , and you were given no minute to apologize for it as the glory of his small smile kindled the inferno in your inner being .

is this how it's supposed to feel after being left with sleep lesser than what you get during these weeks , or is it anything more threatening than you so think .

"That's good ." and just along the end of his discharge of relief , a voice came from behind you .

beneath all the nervousness and the fear and distrust in your own self that you'd stutter on the path of speaking any louder , you had questions to utter . "Uh , is the guy that approached me earlier , a friend of yours ?"

"Hm , yeah , what made you ask ?"

"He—it's just weird for someone to check up on me , so I was wondering , why he did ?" you mumble something along the lines of I was also wondering if by any chance you knew of a reason or two since , well , you're friends .

he just hums , looking at you with a flash of eyes blinking from his phone to you , "He was probably worried cause he saw you sleeping , you know how people like him are , they tend to be nosy . They know their boundaries though , but I apologize in his behalf if by any chance he's got you feeling uncomfy ."

you nod , seeing as he is the type to check up on people it isn't so odd , you see him do it with other people too , but you never expected any worried inquiry from him to you , much less it being as genuine as it sounded .

"But a factor of him talking to you , would be most likely because I've talked about you too much these days ."

you never thought you'd hear someone say that themselves . you read from novels that , said line is usually said in a third person by a close friend . sometimes , it isn't even said intentionally , it just slips along loose lips .

yet he said it with little to no care for what you'd think next , or maybe it's just how you perceive it . as he continued on with his phone as if to end the conversation he started himself .

"Ah , I see . I was shocked with him approaching me , so that's the reason why ." you never knew it'd be hard to drop a conversation . he just lets out sounds other than his typing of his keys as a response .

though the conversation ended before you could try and keep it up , with how the door slid and your classmates rummage to be properly sat . the banging of a folder of some sort on the teacher's table , announced your safe escape .

as usual . you were too busy fondling with your skirt or staring outside , if not then eyes were darted from each part your current teacher played . from across the room it didn't seem like he had more than looking exasperated to be teaching so early in the morning going on about his day but there's evidences of more things that have gone past him that you somehow noticed .

the deep black circles underneath his eyes were much bigger than usual . the heavy smell of coffee , much darker than what you drink , that have entered the room since he came in stayed and never left .

you wonder to yourself if it was a bad thing that you've done nothing all day but observe everyone .

by everyone , you meant from every teacher and every people that talked to yamabuki today . it wasn't that you had no interest in everyone else . it's just that , yamabuki was the only one that had you feeling that it was okay to stare . stare at him for so long as he didn't notice . but when he do , you don't flutter your eyelids close and look away , those sort of acts get people thinking you had disturbing thoughts , so instead , you look him straight in the eyes .

he'd smile .

and would sometimes try to approach you from where you are walking through the halls or wave at you with a grin and a call of you name when your from a higher floor , he'd even tell his friends to head on the next class first and that he'd accompany you this time instead , since he couldn't do so the prior other times .

and you'd take up on the offer .

though it was sad that you couldn't head home with him as he had some plans with his major pals , it's not that sad when he looked sad enough for the both of you . you almost think he didn't like his friends as much anymore .

but that would be a lie , since even throughout this day , when he notices you and forgets all thing else existed just to lock his yellows at you , at moments where he didn't , he's busy having fun with his peers .

and you were happy with that .

just like your canvas always dull and storming with words you can never say , the sun was falling to hiding and the sky had started changing , it was time for the night's rise when you arrived at home ,  you were irked with the sound of distant talking as you key the door open and swung it silently aside .

your parents are home . you would've been shocked frozen , stiff and still if you didn't have the slightest idea for their sudden arrival after long weeks of barely even staying home .

"Y/n , your brother's visiting , make sure to greet him this time ."

you hum an "Okay." as you took your feet to rise and fall across the staircase , you walked to your room at a moderate pace , gradually speeding up and before you knew it , your door was locked and you were buried down the comfort of your pillows .

you didn't bother changing as soon as you entered like how you would've done , you just stared at the side , your cheek plush against cotton .

aching inside .

the sweet tone and the excitement brimming from your mother's voice and the slight touch of that to your father's , had your guts in a dryer-cycle for a lot more longer than usual . it's the same every time of the year .

you felt like throwing up . you suddenly felt foolish for forgetting momentarily .

you choke back a cough that wasn't just your normal cough . closing your eyes shut you caress your hair and you were sure with just a bit less of effort , whatever was raging in you would've had you bald .

your brother's coming home .

next chap ; chap # 6 !

prev chap ; chap # 4 !

this fic's ; chaps +navi !

[giorgiastastes]

버닝 / Burning (2018)

"It's too close, you might not see it"

What to say about this movie...

The film itself is quite simple, even too easy at first sighting I'd dare to say, but the meaning behind, the interpretations and smart details is what makes it unique and pretty much a masterpiece.

I'm sure that most people, or at least those who usually watch unchallenging to elaborate movies, won't like it. If you're looking for something what will be "explained to you", for the director to give you that big plot twist or long monologue, you won't find it here. But if you want to watch a work of art that'll make you think, reflect and crash your minds, you have a good journey in front of you.

I remember that as soon as I've finished watching it I went online to look for theories, to see if someone else had the same idea as me, if I got it right and what I've missed, and then I planned to write here my thoughts on the real explaination, but after rewatching and searching I've figured it out BURNING doesn't really have a "true" explaination in my idea, or better, the director definitely knows what he believes is the so called truth, but the strength of it is how free of interpretations it is. I've read hundreds theories and honestly all of them could fit just right, so for once I've decided to do something different.

In here I will summarize all the theories, under layers and explaination that I've read, figured out or found, and I will leave to you, the reader, to believe your own "truth"

This will be full of spoilers, it's actually a summarization of the after watch, so read at your own risk, and since I'm taking for granted that you've watched the movie and remember it quite well too, I won't always repeat the plot when not necessary.

• Ben sells organs on the black market. That's how he gets his money and Haemi is aware of this, and decided to sell her own organs to pay off her debt. She even says I'D SELL MY ORGANS IF I WERE YOUNGER. She could also be unaware of this and that's why she dissapears.

• Ben is a serial killer. He seduces fragile women who are very easy preys to such an handsome and carismactic young man, and then gets rid of them after he gets tired. This happens about every couple of months, which corresponds to his journey in Africa timeline. They are the greenhouses he burns, because he knows nobody will look for them, and in fact the police does not care about the greenhouses, just like they don't care about missing women nobody knows about.

Ben also owns all the qualities of a maniac sociopath who's keen on control and feels no emotion or empathy. He never cries for example. He also feels pride in his crime and he's almost tempted to confess them to show how good he is. That's why he says to Jongsu that he will burn a greenhouse close to him, but he didn't mean it in a special terminology, but more like in an emotional sense. He will kill the the closest thing the other has, which is Haemi. He also states that she dissapeared like "smoke".

This would also be justified by the creepy call the protagonist receives by Haemi before she dissapears. The biggest evidence placed by the director to prove that this theory is the most correct one is in the last scene, where Ben is putting makeup on a new girl. For a non Korean speaker it's quite hard to get the reference but Makeup and corpses' cremation are spelled in the same way in the hangul language, therefore the movie showing us Ben doing the girl's makeup is the alternative way to say he's killed her and is now cremating the body, hence his obsession with fires.

He's the one who cleaned Haemi's room and took her cat. He also keeps his victims personal objects as a throphy of some sort.

• Ben is a pimp. He's the trainer for these beautiful, young but poor women who are ready to sell themselves when he convinces them to do so. This is shown as Haemi also become less and less shy as the movie goes on, as seen in the undressing scene, while being more bold and provocative too. He changed her drastically, or maybe only let her discover a different, more free, part of herself. He also applies makeup on them how he would do to a doll, playing dress up for a woman who's now becoming just an object of desire that can be bought.

• Ben is a human trafficker. He sends women into slavery while promising them a life of luxury and happiness. That's why he shows off his idyllic lifestyle, and then sells them in Africa (where he goes frequently), where they'll never be found.

• Ben is a life guru. He teaches unsecure and frustrated women to feel liberated and less oppressed, to leave it all behind and start from scratch. They pay him, that's why he's rich. He also keeps a "souvenir" of every woman he has turned. This could explain why he shows up to the meeting with Jongsu in the finale. If he actually killed or sold these women he wouldn't fall into the other man's trick.

• Ben doesn't exist. He's just the symbol of everything Jongsu is not but aspires to be. He's rich, confident, cultured and attractive. Every flaw and layer of insecurity Jongsu seems to have, Ben lacks. And in the end, when the protagonist finally becomes brave enough to mature, to actually chase the woman he loves, he's able to kill the shadow of himself that only reminded him of how miserable he was.

• Ben and Jongsu are the same person. Much Fight Club like, they're the same human being, just different, extreme sides of one. Jongsu could have a personality disorder or maybe we're just shown two sides of him that prove his mental health issues. That's also why Haemi seems to be involved with both of them without choosing a side, because one is the gentle but insecure fraction, the other the bold but arrogant one. And then, in the end, when such division is making him go insane, he decides to kill his alter ego.

• It's just a love triangle. One of my favorite songs of all time had a similar topic. There's the main character, a shy and quiet boy, who falls in love with a girl who feels foreign and unreachable to him. But he's not the only one in her life. She also has another lover who's much more attractive and manly in a way, and all three start to share this peculiar poliamorous love story, mostly platonic. She's very pretty and feels as free as Venus, torn between two men. Then one day she leaves, and she'll never come back. But while the second boy easily moves on with his life, figuring out it was just a näive fling, the singer remains stuck, obsessing over her day and night, trying to find answers and solutions just not to deal with the realization of her not loving him enough to stay.

• Every character represents a social stereotypes and criticism of modern South Korean classes. I think this is very straightforward, especially Jongsu's jealousy of Ben's wealth, and Haemi's attempt to RISE in the social pyramid, surrounding herself with high class people like Ben or his friends, even letting them make joke of her, to mock her, all of it just to feel part of their group and reality.

• It's all in Jongsu's head.

• The disappearance of Haemi, whether it happened or not or HOW it happened are not the main focus on the movie, which instead is the characters dealing with such loss and lack of knowledge on what happened. Much like the Russian movie Loveless (2017), where the event is only used as an artistical device to let the story progress and the characters' grief culminate. Maybe we really don't need to know what happened to her, maybe she's dead, maybe she's alive and better than ever, but to the movie's intent such information is superficial, it's just the human need to fill our curiosity when were too afraid to deal with the pain of remaining unaware of it. Jongsu is sure she's been killed and that brings him to his next move, but the viewer, he doesn't need to know, because he doesn't need to act, to keep the story going.

• Haemi might have killed herself. Ben is the only one who knows about this and that's why she gives him her cat. She also shows multiple signs of advanced depression, for more than half of the movie is almost like she's not there, like she's already just the memory, the ghost of a girl who once was there.

• The movie itself is just a metaphor. The metaphor is many times used by the characters and maybe not only as a word, part of a dialogue, but the overall film might be A BIG, CRIPTIC METAPHOR.

• Everything is hereditary. From family's fortunes and richness to behavior and inner rage. Jongsu was born poor and will die as such just like his father, and even though he seems like the most innocuous being, he's able to take out his rage on other just like this father. I guess it's in the genes.

• Jongsu is the calf. The calf represents Jongsu's pureness and naivety. And when he sells it, he's also selling his soul in a way.

• Haemi represents South Korea, Jongsu North Korea, Ben is the new Korea, the one always more and more Westernized.

• We're just reading the plot of Jongsu's book. When Haemi leaves for Africa he has plenty of time to write the story he's planning to put into words, and that's what he does. Everything we see after she comes back from her journey is just the plot of the book, and the creation of Jongsu's imagination.

• A modern reinterpretation of the Great Gatsby. Yes, obviously a VERY liberate view of the novel, but many details seem to be quite evocative.

• A criticism to how South Korea treats women. Even the movie itself does this, probably on purpose. The one who disappears is a woman, but the ones who are the main centre of attention are men. She's only a story device, never the real protagonist.

• Ben wanted Jongsu to discover his crimes so he could reach fame if the other ever made a book out of it. He's so full of himself he'd rather be punished for his crimes than never showing off how good he was at covering every proof. That's why he dies almost peacefully, and shed a tear, which he claimed to have never done before.

• The well Haemi reference to, symbolizes falling into prostitution. That's why Jongsu's mother knows about it too, since it's quite obvious she's now an escort. But she states the well is dry, as a way of saying that it's not how easy and fun it might seem.

• This is just the tragic story of a boy who's lost every possible source of love. From his father in jail, his mother who abandoned him, to the only girl that ever showed him affection disappearing, and a new friend who he decides to kill.

• Ben is Death or maybe the devil personified. He helps Haemi get the courage to end it one for all, and even pushes Jongsu to kill, cursing his soul.

[adragonhoardingstories]

Of Blood and Bonds - Chapter 5

"Father you know I respect you." Damian said and everyone at the dining table stilled as they were about to get up and leave. "But I must admit, as my brothers would say, you've majorly fucked up." 

Bruce sighed. He had thought about that - had Alfred scold him for having benched Damian - for doing as Damian had said and taking out his anger about his own failures on his other children. But that didn't make this any easier.

"Damian I know you're mad I didn't tell you about your sister-"

"Oh this is not about that. Well not entirely. They are connected but this is not about Marinette alone." When no one spoke, he took it as his cue to continue. 

"You saw in her files that there were some vague details about her being possessed by an akuma. Did you figure out what they are? Because I have an its not pretty. Actually, it's bad enough to warrant an intervention of the Justice League as a whole but my sister tells me that they were told not to waste the JL's time." 

His youngest's face was worryingly blank. It reminded him of all the times he was set upon something and right now it seemed that his new focus was his older sister. Bruce supposed, he should be thankful that Damian's attention towards her was not of the murderous kind. 

"What do you mean?" He made sure to keep his voice free from emotions. 

"From what she told me, they asked for help several times until someone from the JL dismissed their problems as a prank, a joke without any investigation or anything about their claims."

Someone was going to be hearing from Batman soon. 

"And what about the akumas?" 

"It's enough to need more than one member of the JL. I've see a video of one of the attacks, it's...horrifying and according to Marinette it was one of the tamer ones." 

"Do you have them?" His sons all looked annoyed and he knew they were probably thinking that he was letting superhero work take precedence over his family again. But that was how he worked. He didn't know what to do about the situation with Marinette but this - this could find a solution to. 

"There are videos of them online." 

Damian seemed to take that as his cue to get up and walk away. 

"I'll play the videos in the cave." 

~

Marinette hadn't necessarily had the best time in the last years but one thing he had definitely learned was who were her real friends and who weren't.

It was before the worst month of her life but things had already started taking a turn for the worse for her at that point. 

Her so called friends all started to believe Lila over her, started to - as she now knew - emotionally blackmail her, only gave her the time of the day whenever she did something for them or to scold her for whatever she apparently did for poor Lila. 

She was oh so tired and every second she wasted made her feel more guilty. 

Hawkmoth had come back more enraged than ever after the Miracle Queen incident and she had done the mistake of lending the more Miraculous out.

She had given Kagami and Luka both different Miraculous for them to fight alongside her because they both have strong spirits and a good resonance with several kwamis but... let's just say that she would never forgive herself for what they had to experience because of her.

In desperation, she tried to find other holders that she hadn't used before who resonated but that...that had been a huge mistake. She almost lost more than one Miraculous that day. 

She was their Guardian. And that day she vowed that she would die first before letting something happen to the Kwamis.

She was fighting alone now. Chat Noir...Chat Noir was even more pushy about revealing themselves after the the chaos that had occured. He hindered more than he helped, never showing up on time. 

Things had come to head one day as she walked into class. The whole incident had involved a bunch of sheep and a ripped sketchbook - hers to be precise. 

It proved to actually be a relief to let go if them. She had never realized how much their 'friendship' had been dragging her down. 

I got permission to use this fic as a reference for her backstory so check it out. Thanks for that btw.

That experience proved to be helpful later when she felt like there was no one she could trust. 

Apprenticeship with Master Fu had since long taught her that it was better to feel than to see. She had learnt to recognise auras rather than faces and in the end that might have been her saving grace - or well at least the start of her path back to sanity. 

She had learnt to see and remember the auras of her friends rather than anything else because afterall the soul didn't lie.

After everything, well her reliance on auras had only increased. 

Meeting her brothers had been amazing and even more so now that it seemed that they wanted to have a relationship with her.

But one things that bothered her were their auras. 

It wasn't that they were bad - it was that they were scarred, hardened and she could basically see that they had suffered in the past. 

The worst of them were probably Jason and Damian. Their auras made it very clear that they had been dipped in the Lazarus pits.

Jason...Jason's soul had been corrupted at such a point that she doubted that the pits had been used for anything less than bringing him back from the dead. 

And Damian - Damian's soul seemed to have some of the pits as a foundation. She gathered that he had been dunked into the pools more than once when he was a child. There was something else in his aura too that showed that he had died not long ago too. 

There was also another aura that seemed to have to have linked with both of them which made her sure of their last fates and Marinette shuddered to think what had happened to them. 

She had to remind herself that the past was in the past and while she couldn't change that, she could at least help them have a better future. 

So, one could say, that she was nervous for this upcoming dinner.

~

The dinner didn't go as expected - at all. 

Firstly, they were late. All of her brothers and sister were late, very very late. Marinette was not impressed, especially give that Damian wasn't answering his phone. 

But this was Gotham, the few kwamis she had brought with her reasoned, there was probably a problem and wasn't it better that were safe inside than stuck outside and hurt? 

Just as she was about to say screw it and transform using the fox Miraculous to see if she could help the bats, she felt the magic around the house shift. 

Marinette focused in the disturbance and closed her eyes reaching out for their auras. She soon snapped her eyes open and let a smile come on her face - she knew those auras. But why were they entering from the window? 

Marinette shrugged it off and signalled the kwamis to hide while she went to greet them. 

She was not ready for the sight that she came upon. Her siblings were all in a state of disarray and it looked like they were trying to be silent. 

They were of course failing miserably given what seemed to be a bullet wound in Jason and a stab would in Dick and the rest of them all seemed to have been beat up to at least some degree.

"What the fuck?" Marinette felt like the situation called for her language to be excused. 

They all froze in place before slowly turning to look at her. 

"Uh hey." Dick or should she say Nightwing because apparently she wasn't stressed enough gave her a short wave.

She cursed and buried her face in her hands. "Of course I can't have normal siblings."

"Siblings?" Black Bat seemed suprised. She couldn't recognize her aura, Marinette decided that she must have been Cassandra. 

"You must be confused ma'am." Red Robin jumped in and Marinette rolled her eyes. "I'm not stupid Timothy." And then just to prove her point she point at each one of them in turn. "Jason, Dick, Damian and who I'm guessing is Cassandra."

"What makes you say that?" Tim seemed to be ever the player of words. 

She sighed, knowing they wouldn't budge until she proved that she truely believed her words. 

"Well, why else would you be here?"

"Uh because it was the nearest place we found to nurse our wounds and last time we checked this place was abandoned?"

"Let's say that's true. Wouldn't it make more sense for you to go a place where you could actually have access to supplies to treat your wounds? Not to mention the fact that that-" she pointed at the hole in Jason's shoulder. "-is a bullet wound and I heard no gunshot. And lastly, what a coincidence it is that Black Bat who is known to work in Hong Kong comes back to Gotham at the same time as my sister Cassandra who from what I've heard also is currently living in Hong Kong too." 

No one replied. 

"So do you want to continue arguing or are you idiots going to let me help you before you bleed all over my floor."

Unsurprisingly it was Damian who moved the first - it made sense, he was the one who had spent most time with her and at least had a modicum of trust in her. 

He removed his mask and met her eyes. "Do you have a first-aid kit?"

She nodded. "Get in the bathroom and get those two in the tub." She nodded towards Dick and Jason. I'll bring it to you." 

Marinette hurried to her bed room to find her probably over-packed first aid kit. She had brought it for herself so that in case of a bad akuma attack she could take care of her wounds - after all her cure took care of everyone else before her, she had enough scars to prove that not that she could distinguish them from those the cat had given her.

She was glad to see that they had followed her instructions. Jason and Dick were seated in her honestly huge tub and they along with the rest had made themselves comfortable, having discarded their armor. 

She placed the first-aid kit down and kneeled next to Dick. She felt that the stove would in the stomach took more precedence. 

Jason reached out for the kit but Marinette batted his hand away. 

"You're injured, sit down quietly." She snapped and to everyone's surprise, he did as he was told. 

Marinette started treating their wounds, thanking the kwamis that she had done a medical course as soon as she had realised that her wounds could not heal from the cure. 

She had finally taken care of the more dangerous wounds and Marinette had enough of them squirming so she broke the silence "So, why in the world did you come here instead of going to your hyper-tech batcave with most certainly more medical facilities than my humble abode?"

She had to supress a smile as the boys looked among themselves. Finally it was Cassandra that replied. 

"Did not want to miss dinner. You." 

"Well you were already two hours late, you could just have sent me a text that you'd be a little more late."

"Didn't want to take chance."

Marinette smiled up at her. "Well I'm done, come on, I'll get you some clothes to change into."

"I don't think you'll have anything that will fit us."

"I'm a designer." She called over her shoulder. "I always have spares. Anyways, Cassandra-" 

"Cass."

"Right, well Cass come with me, we're about the same size, you can take something of mine."

She led Cass to her bedroom and guided her to her wardrobe while she picked something for the boys.

She totally hadn't hoped to see her siblings during this trip and had this made something for them. Nope. Absolutely not.

She handed each of them their clothes. "Choose a room if you want, I have more than enough of them, then come down, I'm re-heating the food."

She smiled at Damian as he came down the stairs. "I tried my hand at some Arabic food. I hope you like it." 

The boy looked awed. He walked to her and gave her a hug. "You're my new favourite sibling." Marinette laughed and pressed a kiss in his hair. "I love you too little brother."

She heard the disbelieving whisper of Demon Spawn? And looked up to see the rest. 

She squeezed Damian's shoulder one last time before she pulled away, guiding him to sit down.

"Well dig in. You must be famished after your fight."

They did exactly that and soon were making their appreciation known. 

"It's the first time I've attempted Arabic food, I don't know if I got the spices right.*

"It's delicious Pixie Pop. Don't worry.*

"Todd's right Mari. I haven't eaten anything this good since I came to Gotham."

"Really? Alfred didn't immediately dote on you and cook you all the food you wanted. "

He looked uncomfortable. "I was a difficult child back then."

"Was?" Jason snorted while Dick elbowed him. 

Casssandra intervened. "You good at cleaning wounds. Hands stable."

"Yes well unfortunately it's not the first time I've had to do this."

"How come?" 

"Did Damian tell you about the akuma attacks?" They nodded. "Well, Paris had since adapted to handle the akuma attacks. A lot of people have taken medical courses for extensive first aid to be able to help the unfortunate victims of an akuma."

"I thought that your superhero reversed all the damage."

"Well yeah. But Ladybug was insistent to make it clear that they couldn't bank everything on her. If she's taken down, everything's lost."

"This has been going for how many years. How do you still trust that hero?"

"And for how many years have the Joker been spreading his terror?" She asked drily and saw several of them recoil - Jason and Tim especially. 

"Ladybug is doing all that she can only get so far with Chat Noir around."

"Chat Noir? I thought that he was her partner?"

"He's supposed to be but we'll these days he causes more trouble than he stops. People hope he doesn't show up because the battles are always over quicker when he's not there." She could see that they wanted to ask more but number one she didn't want to talk about Chat Noir and number two she felt like if she continued talking, she would slip up and say something she shouldn't know and the risk of them catching it was greater since they were themselves heroes.

"And anyways, Hawkmoth only comes out in a blue moon and that's only when he has a lot of faith in his plans."

"So there are a lot of these akuma attacks?" 

"I guess it's kind of become a daily event by this point. People plan stuff taking it into consideration and if we're unlucky, there will be more than one in a day."

"So what type of akumas are there?"

"It depends really over what you've been akumatized. We've had a Pharaon, a Mime, Mr Pigeon and Mr Rat as well as Syren in the first year." 

"Those seem like... interesting characters." Jason said. 

"Wait until you hear this." Marinette snorted. "We had a Batman knock-off once, Owlman - he had his own electronic butler and everything."

The bats shared a look before they all bursted out laughing at once. 

How could they not, imagining Bruce's face upon learning of this?

"You need to tell us this story."

Marinette was more than eager to comply. 

~

It's too long so I'm gonna reblog the rest

[writingquestionsanswered]

Hi! I need some help with this. Lately, I've been very bored and unmotivated with my WIP. I feel like it just doesn't fully express what I want to write about. But, I already gave another WIP a break (aka let it go) and I don't want to keep being that "one person" who is always giving up WIPs, you know? I just am not sure if I want to keep going with this WIP at the moment. I don't want to write something I am not happy with, but I don't want to let anyone down. Advice?

Guide: Feeling Unmotivated with WIP

There’s a lot to unpack here, so please bear with me! :)

Taking a break from a WIP doesn’t have to mean letting it go for good. If a WIP isn’t working or just isn’t thrilling you at the moment, setting it aside to work on something that does can actually be a good thing. Not only does it help you stay productive, but sometimes working on other projects can give the story some time to “percolate” in the back of your mind, so you never know when a spark of inspiration will strike that either rekindles your motivation to work on that story, helps you get unstuck, or makes the story work better.

Sharing as you go is the only reason I can think of that you might let people down if you don’t finish the story. But if you’re not sharing as you go, who would you let down? If you are sharing as you go, this is one of many reasons why it’s not a good idea. It may work for some writers, but if you’re someone who has difficulty finishing a story, you should wait to share your stories until they’re finished. Otherwise, if you share as you go, it puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on you and makes it more difficult if you get stuck or do need to take a break.

Loss of motivation is pretty common when writing, but it can be caused by different things, so it’s important to know what the underlying causes can be and figure out which one applies to you so you’ll know how to fix it. Here are the usual causes:

Story needs more planning - some stories require more planning than others, and some writers just aren’t good “pantsers” and always need to plan. If you’ve lost motivation in your story, it could be because you’re feeling lost, not really knowing what should happen next. In that case, it can be a good idea to take a step back and do a little planning. Have a look at different story structures and story planning methods (like Save the Cat! and The Snowflake Method) to see if they can help you plan things out a little better. Just remember, you never have to stick to a template or method exactly. Use them as a guideline but make them work for you.

Something isn’t working - sometimes we lose motivation with writing a story because something about it isn’t working, and we may be well aware of that fact or it may be something we’re only aware of subconsciously. Either way, it can help to go back through what you’ve written so far and see if there’s something that’s just not pulling its weight. It could be an unnecessary character dragging the story down, a subplot that is cluttering up the story or drawing attention away from the main plot, or it could even be a scene (or multiple scenes) that don’t add to the story. It could even be a combination of these things, so if you can figure out what it is and fix it, that can often rekindle your motivation.

"Life stuff” is interfering - one of the biggest motivation zappers writers have to deal with is general life stuff. If you have a lot going on at the moment, such as a hectic time at work or school, are in the middle of a big project, you or a loved one are sick, or you’re dealing with anxiety and/or depression, you may simply not be in the mood to work on your story. Writers love to pump ourselves and each other up by saying things like “are you writing” or “get your butt in the chair” and talking about how we need to write every day, but the truth of the matter is there’s no shame in not writing if you have other things going on. Just promise yourself you’ll recommit to your WIP as soon as things calm down.

You’re distracted - if there are other things competing for your attention, like that series you’ve been binge-watching, that new book you bought, or that other story idea you came up with, it could be zapping your motivation. In this case, you just have to figure out how to plan your time so that you can indulge in the thing drawing your attention away while still having time to write. If it’s another story idea, you may not want to start on another project while in the middle of your WIP, in which case you should just take a little while to write down everything you’ve already got in mind, then set it aside someplace safe so you can come back to it later. Quite often that’s enough to get it of your mind.

You’re just bored with your story - if you’ve been working on a story for a long time, it’s pretty understandable that you might feel a little bored with it. If that’s the case, here are some things you can try to re-motivate yourself. These ideas can sometimes work even in the cases listed above. Give these a try:

How to Rekindle Your Motivation

1) Find inspiration photos - create a folder on your desktop or browser and fill it with inspiration photos for your WIP. You can search for photos on Google Image Search or photo sites like Pixabay and Pexels. 

2) Make a playlist - music can be very inspiring when you’re writing or planning a story, so try making a playlist for your WIP. You can do Google searches for things like “songs about love” or “songs about war” if you want songs that fit a specific theme. You can also look through the music you own and see if anything reminds you of your story.

3) Make aesthetics or mood boards - aesthetics and mood boards are photo collages that you make for your story. They can be general, for your whole story, for characters, for the setting, or even for a particular scene or event. Aesthetics are fun to make and can be very inspirational when you’re writing.

4) Draw a map or make a layout - try making a map of wherever your story takes place, whether that’s a town, kingdom, or a whole country or world. You can even draw layouts of things like high schools, houses, or other buildings in your story. Not only are they fun to do, but it can be a helpful tool for visualizing your setting, and sometimes it can lead to ideas about scenes or plot points.

5) Do a character interview - imagine that you’ve pulled your character out of a story into the room and now have the opportunity to interview them. What questions would you ask them? What do you want to know about them that you don’t already know? What do you think the reader would want to know? What might be pertinent to the story that you haven’t thought about yet?

6) Do a TV Crew follow around - no matter when or where your story takes place, imagine that you’ve dropped an invisible TV crew into your story’s world to follow your character around through an average day. Follow them from the moment they wake up until the moment they go to bed that night. What are they like when they wake up? What is their morning routine? What do they eat for breakfast? How do they get ready? What do they do throughout the day? Who do they interact with? What else do they eat and drink? What do they do for fun or relaxation? How to they make money or meet their basic needs? What is their bedtime routine like? 

7) Try a writing tool - there are all kinds of interesting writing tools out there, both online and things, apps, and physical things. Story Cubes, plot generators, plot twist generators, the Storymatic, StoryForge, Story Dice, tarot cards, the Writer’s Toolbox... just to name a few!

If you can figure out what’s zapping your motivation and find a solution, you should be able to get your motivation back. And if not, it’s okay to shelve it for now and start on something else. I’ve had sudden bursts of inspiration for stories I set aside years ago, so you never know! :)